Head Injury Survivor

"The Crash of a Family"

  I just read this article entitled "Crash of a Family" at the following Traumatic Brain Injury Blog: http://www.sossisson.com/blog/blog-home.html and I would encourage others to read it as well!!

Following my TBI... my nearly 20 marriage ended as do a reportedly 92% of Marriages where one of the partners has acquired a Traumatic Brain Injury. What a very sad... even pathetic.... statistic.

Ironically, as I read the article at this time, it all made sense ...HOWEVER... during the stage of my recovery when the breakdown of my own marriage occurred, I do not know if I had the ability to work through it even given this information.

Perhaps it is due to the lack of Therapists that have combined couples therapy / brain injury therapy.  Perhaps we need more support services for not only the spouses of the Brain Injured, but for the children of TBI survivors as well.

Imagine how difficult it is for the child whos Father stopped attending Little League games , to understand it is the injury that prevents the father from attending: perhaps the loud noises, or crowds... any number of syptoms really.  My children were grown at the time of my TBI, however I know how inadequate I felt when I was unable to provide "parental support" during the first few years of recovery.... and the frustration I felt when I was unable to explain what was happening in my "world" at the time .... a period when I was myself struggling to identify my own strengths & weaknesses.

Perhaps we are not building Family Units as strong as they once were.... the days of through "thick & thin" are long gone.... the extended Family now lives miles or sometimes countries apart so their support in the Family Structure is not as solid as it once was.

I don't know the "why"  of the statistics being so high for marriage/family breakdowns for TBI Survivors... but I do know that it can NOT be ignored and has to be recognized as a critical factor in not only the speed of recovery... but the level of recovery  for TBI Surviviors and their families as well.

Overcoming Social Isolation...

One of the bigggest obstacles I had to overcome after the TBI... was the Social Isolation!! My social circle & "friends" prior to the TBI were essentially all "work related".... thus....  disappeared as quickly as some of my pre-injury skills!!

To overcome it, I began leading a "Hearts In Motion" walking club through the Heart & Stroke Foundation. It seemed tailor fit to meet my needs at that time:

The walking club ran Monday through Friday at an indoor Mall... so weather wasn't an issue.

It was 7:00 - 9:00 am so was before stores opened... VERY quiet... very safe.... and I could walk alone, in pairs or groups. It was great follow up for the 2 years of physio and personal fitness training.... great for Heart health... and more importantly... I was able to meet new people from many walks of life.

Oh... there were some days I would rather hide at home, but I would push myself out the door and never regretted it after I got there. I needed to get out of my comfort zone... my retreat and start learning to cope in the real world again. As the months went by, I found myself participating in other Heart & Stroke events and expanding not only my comfort zone... but my list of skills and new friends as well.

Today I contacted our local Heart & Stroke Rep and learned there was no group in my new home town.... so hopefully I have set the wheels in motion to help initiate a new "Hearts In Motion" walking club here!! I assured her I would keep "pushing, pulling or dragging" her to help get this great program off the ground here. Not only will it fill an essential gap in my list of "needs"... it is a great way to get to know my new home town and perhaps start contributing to it as well.

Will keep you posted on this project... and I am confident I will be posting pics of the "new" Heart & Stroke "Hearts In Motion" walking club here in the very near future!!

A Very Special Message......

My sister-in-law, and great new friend, emailed me this link today. After viewing the Message.... I knew it had to be shared with as many people as possible:

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

Keep reaching forward.....

Sorry for the gap in postings folks... had to take some new medication for a couple of weeks that literally knocked me off my feet! Fortuantely I have a wonderful fellow in my life now that takes very good care of me and encourage me when I am not up to par... a real blessing!!

I posted a couple of short video montages I did for my nephew that passed away last March and my sister that passed away a week before Christmas. They are located in the left column of this page.  It was a "therapy" of sorts... I was missing them both dearly, so decided to create in their memory rather that give in to any depressive feelings or behaviours.

Allot has happened this past month (in addition to the illness) that was on a more positive spin.

The fifth anniversary of the auto accident, and subsequent Brain Injury, is fast approaching so it was time to do an "inventory" of what I had accomplished and what was still on my "wish list" to do.  Not a time to look back at my "losses" or deficits.... but to really look at the road I have traveled and the milestones I accomplished. And not just the obvious: I can walk properly again , I can cook (debatable as to quality... purely subjective), I maintain my home very nicely and can do all household tasks that I need to do (and can't talk my Sweetie into to doing or hire someone to do), I able to read at a level I am okay with (not the pre-accident levels... but I have other things to do other than read now), I am driving again (but don't drive at night and opt out whenever I can get someone else to do the driving)... basically I have re-learned or acquired the necessary skills to live a fairly "normal" life (I guess that too is purely subjective!)

I got to visit my grand-daughter for the first time since the accident ... and am now looking forward to getting to know her and share in her life. More visits already planned and we email now. She was 3 when I seen her last... and now almost 9!! Her parents seperated shortly before my accident... so I am very fortunate to have a very loving & understanding daughter-in-law that facilitated the Reunion and is very supportive. (another blessing!)

I completed the Craft Room in our new home this month as well, and my grandson visits frequently to make crafts and "be artistic" with Gramma! What a joy to be able to learn how to "play" again and use our "imaginations" and giggle.... just because it is fun to giggle. Since moving here in December,  he & I have shared so much joy and he makes my heart smile!! (Yet another blessing!!)

The list goes on as I completed my "inventory"... however instead of listing my accomplishments ... as I reviewed what I had documented .... I realized the most important thing I had accomplished was that I am now doing lists of positives and celebrating "success" in whatever form it comes.... instead of weighing everything against my losses.

I like the "new Nancy", no let me correct that... I LOVE the new Nancy ... the Nancy that was always inside me, and I realized I can now start saying aloud that there have been "changes" rather than the loss of the old pre-brain-injury self...

And that my dear Friends... is the most important thing I have learned. "A Tip of the Hat" and a "Pat on the back... girl!!" 

... a new family member....

This is "Buddy" my new Bichon puppy. He arrived as a Christmas gift late Christmas Eve.

I have been missing my other two little dogs... so he was a delightful surprize!! Of course alot of work arrived with him, housetraining, visit to the Vet , find a groomer and a Doogie-Daycare for him to learn how to interact with other little dogs and a place he can feel comfortable in for overnight or extended stays if needed. Fortunately he has a new Vet now, Dr. Rose that we both adhore and his new Groomer also does doggie-daycare and boards small dogs... so all his needs have been met (so far)

The house-training got alot easier when a doggie door was installed but up until 2 days ago he still had a pee or two in the house (yuck!)  "Buddy" certainly keeps me on my toes and is great company. I laugh more often each day and enjoy the cuddles and doggie kisses he supplies!!

These little guys are alot of responsiblity but are worth every minute of joy and companship they provide. I have remembered to feed him on schedule everyday and he always has fresh water. A few colourful memo cards placed around the house helped to get the routine established (for both of us!)